This Is Not How Any of This Works
by Emerald-Latias
Summary: Sometimes you don't realize how much things have changed until you're in the presence of someone who's convinced they haven't. Written for the 2017 Successor Challenge.
1. rockstar dreams

**This Is Not How Any of This Works**

 **Summary** – Sometimes you don't realize how much things have changed until you're in the presence of someone who's convinced they haven't. Written for the 2017 Successor Challenge.

-—-

Overcome with the sudden need to rub his eyelids now that he couldn't, Squall wedged his hands underneath his thighs. The very notion that people did this to their faces every day to some degree was simultaneously baffling and awe-inspiring, he decided.

From across the bathroom, he watched Rinoa rummage through her makeup bag for a few seconds until she pulled out a blue cylindrical tube, dark-coloured pencil and small spritzing bottle of some kind. Against better judgement, Squall unearthed his hands to rest them on his lap in anticipation of what was left to do.

Upon noticing this movement after taking a few strides to close the gap, Rinoa stopped a step short and shot him a knowing look, pocketing the tube and crayon in her sweatpants.

"I'm just going to spray some of this so the makeup is a little more resistant to heat and sweat. No guarantees about how it'll hold up against your itchy trigger fingers though." she made a point to say, giving the bottle a vigorous shake.

"And the things in your pocket?"

Rinoa shook her head. "As much as I'd like to see you try to apply mascara and eyeliner, I've decided to spare you. It has nothing to do with the fact that you don't need it since your eyelashes are longer and fuller than mine as is. Or that life isn't fair."

Squall shrugged, the corners of his lips upturned by a fraction. "I could humour you if it'll make you feel any better about life."

"Humour me by closing your eyes and letting me spray you in the face, Mr. Leonhart."

While it was tempting to goad her, he reckoned they were on track to be unforgivably-late — assuming Selphie hadn't softened over the years about her militant intolerance for any tardiness to her parties — so he remained mum and consented to a few hisses from the bottle spreading a fine mist across his eyelids. Without any real lingering dampness to validate the assumption that he needed to keep his eyes cemented shut for a good minute, Squall opened them a few seconds later.

He was greeted with the sight of Rinoa clasping her hands, her expression thrumming with excitement and the bottle already perched on the precipice of the sink's edge.

"…Relieved that you're done with this?"

"Not gonna lie, it was painful watching you apply eyeshadow at a petrified Ochu's pace when you only needed to cover where the eye holes would be. But it's so worth it since you honestly look like you jumped out of those youth magazine centerfolds. You know, the ones featuring the band of the week? Erm, maybe you don't but all you need to know is that teenage me would have cut out said pages and stuck on my wall so... now all you have to do is profess your love to me with four other guys to complete the full leap. Actually, scratch that. The eye makeup with the black vest, black tie and blue-grey dress shirt look is more rock band than boyband - you need to walk on some train tracks while none of your bandmates look in the same direction."

That last run-on sentence had Squall's heart thump a little too hard against his ribcage for his liking.

"…For the record, Ochus are immune to petrification." he deflected.

Rinoa separated her hands to rest her left on her hip and place her right squarely on her chest as if she was clutching at the necklace she wasn't wearing; he was never so grateful for one her patented looks of over-the-top mock-melancholy.

"You are such a killer of dreams." she theatrically lamented as she walked towards him with a slow calculated gait until they were a mere inch apart. The sorceress crouched down to level off the height disparity and look him directly in the eyes. She then proceeded to wag her left index at the side of his face. "Then again, if we're following clichés, it all makes sense. You're the moody bassist who's shrouded in mystery. No one knows what's his deal is, all anyone is ever told is that he leaves broken hearts in his wake."

"The only mystery here is how your imagination came up with that – not sure that sitting on a toilet seat lid for far too long counts."

Rinoa started to clutch at her invisible necklace even harder.

"You're breaking my heart, Squall. You are so breaking my heart." she sighed as she righted herself to full height. "But I suppose you do have a point. Selphie will probably turn the party's murder mystery masquerade theme into the real deal if we don't show up on time. Or if I show up in my pjs. I should probably get changed."

"Good idea." he agreed, getting off the seat. "Are the masks that Selphie left in that yellow bag on the kitchen table?"

Rinoa nodded. "Yes, that would be it. One's black and the other's light blue. If you could leave the black one for me, that would be appreciated since the light blue doesn't exactly go with the colour of the dress I bought yesterday."

"Will do."

He made a point to slyly kiss on her lips before leaving the bathroom altogether; the sorceress had a lingering smile on her face well after their lips parted.

While he was no stranger to accosting her for a quick lip lock when they were alone, she liked to think this specific instance was to indulge her long-winded flight of fancy. Though, admittedly it was more of a fleeting hover of fancy when one absentminded brush of her hand against her sweatpants reminded her that she still needed to get changed for an event that had nothing to do with pretending she was a special — but a decidedly non-groupie flavour of special — fan to a rock musician.

Life was _really_ unfair and borderline tragic sometimes.

After fishing out the mascara and eyeliner from her pocket and placing it on the counter, she stepped out of her pants and flung off her sleep shirt, unceremoniously dumping the articles of clothing in a heap by the bathtub. Her sights were now set on the garment bag holding her black and plum coloured dress on the hook at the back of the bathroom door.

Then the doorbell ring caused her to jump out of her skin before she could so much as unzip the bag.

They never got visitors and anything SeeD-related was always preceded by a phone call that Squall would relay. With curiosity getting the best of her, she moved the bag aside and placed her ear against the door for the oft-chance the sound would carry from across the apartment.

The sound was low and garbled but the lack of pauses despite the slow cadence to the muffled words suggested it wasn't a solemn conversation or anything particularly important.

The forceful reverberations in her ear was another thing, however; the knocks coming from the other side of the door caught her off guard as she yelped in reaction. How it managed to escape her that the very nature of her boyfriend's job required him to be well-versed in stealth techniques, she did not know.

" _Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."_ she could hear Squall say from the other side. _"Are you…decent?"_

Rinoa knit her brows in confusion. It had been two minutes, tops.

"Not so much. Why do you ask?" she answered back.

" _Quistis and Selphie are here. There's been a change of plans."_


	2. alternate universes

**Author's Notes** – Thanks for all those who left reviews (seriously might find someone to commission art of Squall's outfit)! Hope you all like this conclusion, I had to cut it shorter than I would have liked to meet the deadline but the spirit of it is still there. :)

-—-

Rinoa opened the door just enough to poke her head through. Selphie and Quistis were nowhere in her immediate range of vision, just Squall as she'd left him save for the light blue mask he had on the top of his head.

"Should I be in my pjs or dress for this change?"

"Not sure. You might want to make a judgement call on that."

"Ok."

She pulled the door back some more so he could slip through before shutting it closed again. Once through the threshold, he remained by the door frame with a neutral expression she couldn't divine clues from.

"The decorations and props Selphie had ordered didn't come in and replacements couldn't be found on short notice." he began to explain. "The murder mystery game she had planned was dependent on them."

"I sense that there's an issue with ditching the theme and using whatever she does have."

"The issue is that she doesn't have anything. Not even her costume. I'm not even sure what the food situation is."

An attempt was made on Rinoa's part to open her mouth and respond, but it went no further than un-pursing her lips before the effort petered out.

"Quistis said she was busier than she anticipated trying to tie up loose ends from her transfer from Trabia so she bought everything online." he elaborated. "Not sure why she didn't reschedule."

The sorceress shrugged. "Honestly wouldn't know if that would make a difference even if we did. How is Selphie, anyway?"

"I'd assume not taking it too well considering Quistis couldn't even get her to come in."

"That bad?"

"She was wearing an oversized black hoodie with the hood drawn and a pair of oversized sunglasses obscuring her face. I couldn't tell if she was wearing shorts underneath. Bad is a safe assumption, if not an understatement."

Rinoa grimaced. "I can see why you wanted me to make a judgement call on this."

Her gaze drifted towards the zipped bag by the door for a moment before drifting back to Squall.

"Did Quistis mention anything about Irvine and Zell?"

"No, but I can ask."

"Alright." Rinoa paused to collect her thoughts. "I think…it would be best if the party goes on to get her out of this funk so I'm going to put on my dress and makeup like I'd planned. I have a few dresses Selphie can pick from so she won't feel out of place so…if she hasn't run away already, just have her try things on from our closet. Are you comfortable with us possibly hosting this if her place is a disaster zone?"

Squall nodded.

"Ok good. So you ask Quistis about the guys, food situation and whatever else you can think of and I'll try to be quick."

With another quick nod, he opened the door and slipped through, closing it with a click.

As Rinoa turned her sights towards her dress again, a soft sigh slowly escaped her body as she unzipped the bag and reached in to take the dress off the hanger. This news was worlds away from the impression Selphie gave her during all their chats since she'd proposed the party as a 'welcome back' celebration of sorts. Earlier calls would understandable, sure, but yesterday's where she talked about how everything was _'super-awesomely'_ coming together? Rinoa frowned at the thought she was likely trying to convince herself that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Regardless, all she could do was get dressed and leave the groundwork to Squall and Quistis.

She just hoped Selphie would be open to the help.

-—-

While it was no surprise that Quistis had seated herself at the dining room table, Squall didn't know what to make of seeing Selphie slumped over in the seat at the far end, staring at nothing in particular.

"I convinced her to come in and sit down when you were talking to Rinoa. She hasn't said a word since then though." Quistis told him, adjusting her ornate light pink mask as she shifted her gaze to Selphie. He took up the remaining chair closest to the small hallway he'd come from and opposite to the brunette.

"Rinoa's getting changed right now but she told me to let you know that you can borrow a dress from her if you need one." he offered. "The party can be hosted here if it makes it easier."

Selphie's head sunk even lower, crossing her arms tightly against her body as if a chill had swept through the apartment. And while it would be easy to let silence follow suit, Squall had spent far too much time putting junk on his face for this party's sake already to not try.

"Listen…if you made things work after the Garden Festival Committee budget cuts years ago, you can get through this now. Let us help."

Selphie raised her head, tilting it slightly before ultimately glancing towards Quistis.

"He's right, you know." the blonde echoed. "And I'm sure Rinoa will tell you the same thing I told you earlier – it's not about the decorations or the games, it's about the company."

"…It's still _so_ embarrassing though." she admitted, removing her large glasses to reveal puffy, red-rimmed eyes. "I fibbed to you Quisty. There were no online order mishaps - I flat out failed and didn't buy _anything_ because I thought it would all work out somehow like it always did _._ All the vendors I used to use back in the day either hiked up their prices, didn't have the things I wanted in stock or closed up shop altogether. I don't know how many times I tried to rewrite my murder mystery scenario game but nothing stuck. I've lost my touch."

"As someone who has been in that scenario, I will be the first to say that you have to let go of that sometimes." Quistis curtly pointed out. "This party isn't a demonstration for Selphie Tilmitt, ex-Festival Committee organizer extraordinaire. It's simply a party for Selphie Tilmitt, the friend who came back from Trabia after helming a successful 7-year reconstruction project for T-Garden."

Squall didn't know how, but the instant where it all must have clicked was virtually palpable in Selphie's expression.

"So you guys… _really_ don't mind it if we end up drinking out of red solo cups and playing one of Irvine's lewd party games?" she asked in a hushed conspiratorial tone usually reserved for people who were asking others to commit heinous atrocities against humanity. But before they could eke out a syllable, Selphie nearly rocketed out of her seat. "Holy Carbuncle, how did I not even notice you're wearing eyeshadow Squall?"

"By having sunglasses on indoors?"he shrugged before mouthing, _"…Or the existential crisis?_ "

Quistis raised her hand to her mouth to muffle a snicker but Selphie's mesmerized look suggested it might have gone over her head. Not that he exactly had an issue with that.

"…Rinoa's not a sorceress, she's a wizard, I swear."

The commander's face prickled again with no remorse. His only consolation in the matter was that a familiar pair hands chose that moment to casually slink down his shoulders, as if she was on cue. Everything felt a little more manageable and a fraction less itchy.

"I'd like to take credit for the wizardry but that was all him – wardrobe choices too." Rinoa clarified, causing Selphie to look up at her. "I just walked him through the makeup application."

"…Seriously Rin, I feel like fallen in an alternate timeline and I can't get up. I can't tell if it's super awesome or depressing that Squall of all people is more dressed up than me."

While it was reassuring to know that Selphie's penchant for whiplashing from morose to mirthful had remained intact from all those years ago, the déjà vu it was dredging up was decidedly not.

"I might be biased but I'd go with awesome." the sorceress interjected, discreetly giving him a reassuring squeeze. " _Anyway,_ to answer your earlier question, we're definitely cool with solo cups and lewd games. Has Squall told you that you're more than welcome to borrow one of my dresses? I think I have a few that might be in your wheelhouse style-wise."

"He did. And thanks! Mind if I check out the food situation and make a few calls before taking you up on that offer?"

"Sure thing, Selphie. Text me whenever you're ready."

The brunette practically vaulted out of her seat and ran out the door. "Awesome! Catch you later!"

When the dust settled a few seconds later, Squall didn't need visual confirmation to sense that Rinoa was sharing a knowing look with Quistis.

"In case, I failed to mention it earlier, both of your costumes look lovely." she said with a smile.

"Thank you Quistis - I love your ivory keyhole dress too. Goes nice with your pink mask." Rinoa complimented in kind, withdrawing her hands from his shoulders before walking around to the seat Selphie had vacated.

Squall could see why Rinoa had wanted him to have the light blue mask – the dress she was wearing was jet-black on top, fading into this cool, vibrant purple with one off-the-shoulder strap with an asymmetrical hem. The aquiline features of the black mask lent itself well to the sleek design, transforming her into a sublime creature. The pomp and flash brought by the white swirls and flourishes detailing his much-softer mask would have only detracted from it.

"Lower your mask Squall. We want to see the full effect." Rinoa commanded with a coy smile. He complied and pulled it over his eyes, rewarded by a peel of what he could only describe as nearly-inaudible squeals. "Say something mysterious. Or profound."

Because the mask precluded raising his brows or pinching the bridge of his nose as options, Squall let out a long-drawn sigh for effect. "…No matter what I do, I feel the pain. With or without you."

"I said mysterious or profound, not like you're being tortured, Meany."

Realizing he was a little too subtle with the words combined with the flat delivery, Squall got up to walk towards her so he could deliberately place a hand on her shoulder. When she looked up at him, it took him all he had not to break character.

"Tearing up my heart and soul, we're apart. I feel it too." he deadpanned before reiterating, "And no matter what I do, I feel the pain. With or without you."

Then the lightbulb went off and Rinoa reflexively punched him in the bicep.

"You did _not._ "

He shrugged, trying not to acknowledge the radiating pain from her bony knuckles connecting with muscle. "Not sure what you're talking about. I did what you asked."

"You so know what you did, don't give me that." The sorceress looked back towards their friend. "You caught that too, didn't you Quistis?"

"No, but I'm assuming it involves his dry sense of humour." she hazarded a guess before looking at Squall to jokingly add, "Humour which I'm presuming is classified and should not be disclosed to SeeD Tilmitt and ex-cadet Kinneas?"

"I'd like to say it would do harm by reinforcing Selphie's misguided belief that she fell into a parallel universe, it's probably better to accept the inevitable insults and jokes at my expense. Don't think there's a less painful alternative with dealing with the lost time and outdated frames of reference."

"You might be right on that one." Rinoa agreed, turning back around to face him. "But if there's any consolation, I don't think 20-year old Squall would have dealt with that nearly as well. …Or the pre-party shenanigans we're about to have featuring _all_ of *NSOMNIA's greatest hits to enrich Quistis's boyband education. Plus a few of my favorite weird b-sides like This I Promise You (No Vegetables) and It's Gonna Be Me, Jester for good measure."

"…That band name sounds familiar." Quistis mused aloud, adjusting her mask a little. "I seem to remember Seifer using unconventional methods to peacefully discipline students – including the use of a few pop CDs played at loud volumes on loop. I think *NSOMNIA might have been one of them. Did they have a song where the chorus went-"

"-On second thought, let's just skip this whole idea. Some things are better left in the past…without confirmation…even if it would explain a lot." Rinoa interrupted, the last fragmented sentence bookended with a forced laugh. "And Selphie will probably be here sooner than later anyway – a party might not happen if she ends up distracted by an intense hairbrush singing session while she's here."

"I know you were deflecting but…I honestly can't argue that the latter is a valid reason." Quistis concurred. "And as much as today has been trying, to say the least, I'd rather not squander the opportunity to have us all in the same room. Even if we're playing a bawdy game like This Is Not How Any of This Works."

"Agreed." Rinoa chimed in. "Though part of me would love to watch Squall play a card game like that. I mean, can you imagine the possibilities?"

"As someone who has been on the other side of the Triple Triad table with him a fair deal, I can and those possibilities would either be trainwreck-levels of entrancing or horrifying. I can't decide which."

Squall shifted a little.

"…Do I even want to know?" he asked. Rinoa turned around with a big grin on her face, eerily channelling a ravenous bird of prey.

"In the interest of science, I won't explain the rules but I will explain context." she began. "You know how you didn't find dressing up a big deal because you said it's no different than doing the same to blend in during undercover missions, meanwhile Selphie did? Imagine following the rules to a card game that pretty much encourages you to be inappropriate but also relies on you knowing the person picking the winner for a round. Factor in your competitiveness over card games, specialties as a SeeD and that she would likely expect you to be unwilling to play despite these facts. This is where we're at."

"While I can see the appeal, it might throw her into another dimension." he dryly responded.

"I once left her unsupervised in a coffee shop for ten minutes during the one year Pumpkin Spice Latte season overlapped with some extravagant one-off Garden Festival Committee event. I wouldn't go that far."

"So…not far away, to the future, we will go? Where it leads, no one knows?" Quistis supplied.

In that moment, both Rinoa and Squall made the collective decision to stare at the former instructor, who was now sporting a self-satisfied look from the well-timed reference she'd made to their friend's decade-old train song. For all they could say about growth and change, some things still remained the same.

And it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.


End file.
